Differential Diagnosis
Signs/Symptoms
Overwhelm
Too much to do
IHC numbers not where I want them to be
Stress
Headaches
Tiredness
Bad mood
Irritable
Fed up with almost everything
Frustration
Brain fog
Taking on too much
Not keeping up with obligations and deadlines, in any area of my life
Not being the dependable person I want to be
Self-sabotage
Backlog of work piling up
Cluttered home
Letting people walk on me
Probably because at some deep level I feel like I deserve it (I didn’t live up to all my promises and obligations after all)
No, or not enough, time for the things I really want to do. Such as spending time with my family and friends, art, sewing, training with my dogs (maybe competition), Kung Fu, hiking, reading.
Differentials
Anxiety
Depression
Chronic fatigue
Overwork
Workaholic
“Stress”
Too much clutter
Working diagnosis?
Too much clutter! Physical clutter, digital clutter, mental clutter.
Clutter
Physical clutter is easy enough to understand, but it takes up a lot more space than just the physical. It has mental effects too. Let’s just say my house is in no condition to receive guests and the mental and emotional stress of it has reached a breaking point for me.
I’m so done with all the clutter!
Mental clutter includes all the inventory one mentally keeps track of, whether it’s physical things or projects, or work. I’m always working. I feel guilty if I let myself have time to read for pleasure, go for a walk (just because), sit quietly, etcetera. The meditation and journaling have helped but it’s led me to realize that it’s not enough. There is more that must be done, or changed, to get where I want to be. For example, I’m always taking on more than I can handle, and often put up with things that I’m often told by others I shouldn’t have to.
Digital clutter or noise is not just about the number of emails in my inbox, which is insane! It’s also the advertising, social media, trolls, etc. There is so much noise! Cell phones are another thing. How many hours a day do most people spend on their cell phones, not even talking to people? When I was growing up people were used to the idea that you couldn’t always be available to pick up a phone call. Now they seem insulted if you don’t pick up even if you’re in the bathroom. They get mad because you didn’t pick up, as though you don’t have other things to do. It used to be that if your work expected you to be available 24/7 for phone calls they would pay you extra for that, and they would provide you with a pager (later on that became a cell phone). Now they just expect you to answer, and using your own phone too, with no extra pay. In my case, if certain people (including work related) can’t reach me on my cell the first time they alternate between calling my house phone and my cell phone until I pick up.
I think it’s time to put some rules in place, and for me to be OK with offending certain people, and even having them leave my life, if they can’t respect this choice.
This all really came to light this September when something happened that temporarily decluttered an significant aspect of my life. This made it possible to do something that I haven’t made time to do in many years, and that was to get dressed up and go out for Halloween with my eldest daughter, which is something we have always enjoyed doing in the past, but in recent years (about 10) I never had time for. It was fun! I’ve missed it.
Does anybody on their deathbed say, “I wish I’d spent more time working”? No.
That is my personal goal for IHC year of the Dragon. To declutter. It will probably take steady work over most, if not all, of the year. Yet it needs to be done so that I can make more room for living.
To be honest, I’ve already started on it. I’ve reached my breaking point, and I just can’t stand it anymore!
P.S.
My lion head project didn’t get finished either, which adds to my points above... and my guilt.
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