Messy

This is the cover of the sketchbook that I started last year (Year of the Wood Snake). I had intended to finish it that year but it seems I’m about six months late. I finally finished it just recently (Year of the Fire Horse). Now I just need to figure out what to put on the cover of the new one for the Year of the Fire Horse.

A sketchbook is a laboratory not a gallery

~ unknown

While my energy has been coming back up I’ve been spending it mostly on what I have the most energy to do, drawing. Because of that I came across the above quote. Now I’m putting it at the beginning of all my sketchbooks, to remind myself not to treat the book as precious, only containing finished work. It’s been a long haul getting myself to allow the messy, ugly, unfinished drawings to be in, and stay in, the sketchbook. No more erasing the ugliness, nor putting off drawing because it won’t be as perfect as I can make it.

I’ve learned that the sketchbook is the safe place. It’s a place to experiment and try new things. It’s a place where you are not just allowed to fail but encouraged to push yourself so that you do fail… and learn from the experience.

I’m learning not to be embarrassed by the mess in my sketchbook. People often ask artists if they can see your sketchbook. They seem disappointed if it’s not full of pretty pictures. But really a sketchbook is more personal than I think most people realize. It’s more like a journal, messy, full of lessons, failures, and trials. Well, mine is becoming that anyway.

My Kung Fu is kind of like that, especially this year. It’s kind of like a sketchbook, it’s messy and sometimes frustrating, and very personal. But it’s also a safe place to push yourself (particularly at the Kwoon) it’s where you push yourself past the mess, but you have to go through the messiness to get to the next stage. No mess, no growth. If you want no risk of failure, then you likely won’t make an attempt.

My numbers this year are terrible. Being so easily exhausted really throws a spanner in the works. However, the attempt is still there. I’m doing what I can and making progress. Last class was the first one in quite a while that I didn’t have to sit and rest off to the side for a while and was able to participate in the entire class. I’ve been able to help with cleanup after class rather than just staggering (may not look like it but sure felt like it) out to my truck to get home and rest. That felt like a win. I’m starting to do more energetic training at home (some push-up and sit-up equivalents, and forms) without fear of it taking away the energy to make it through a class, or my day.

Numbers/Progress So Far This Year

Pushups (=): 3070/ 25000

Sit-ups (=): 2908 / 25000

Hand Form: 120 / 1000

Weapon Form: worked on it only once recently after class. Was still so tired I kept dropping it too easily.

RAoK: 163

Sparring: 135 minutes

Kilometres: 486

Journalling: 49 days

Blogging: 22 posts

One-on-ones: 9

Improve Flexibility: 38 days

Help with Level 1 Classes: 5

Decluttering: did a fair amount on Sunday and Monday. So nice to get more clutter gone!

Art: 65 days

Reading: 1 / 12 books read. Though there are several on the go.

Dog Training: The very slow and steady work on “au pied” is paying off. Wish I had the energy to work on it more actively with focused training but… They are starting to be able to do it more reliably and not forget (switch to “heel”) as much. Starting to be able to do it forwards and backwards. All of this is without distractions.